For as long as we've had parking meters we've had opposition to them. Through a fault on our end, the public has had trouble understanding the importance of these items not only for the collection of necessary funds for the city, but for the well-being of our citizens. Namely: you. We have failed, through both promotion and design, to relate to you the need for parking limits within the city and the value of the funds collected.

That is why we here at the Transportation Department have created a new parking meter for a new millennium. Developed in association with POM parking meters, the System for Parking and Ingathering of Funds and Furtive Information, or "SPIFFI," is the ultimate in parking fee collection and surveillance. In addition to the traditional coin slot, "SPIFFI" features a credit card reader, security camera, breathalyzer, receipt/violation printer, and "audio reminder system," for those times when you might otherwise forget to deposit your fee.

But perhaps the most impressive features are the ones that will make you fall in love with this little guy. As you may have noticed, "SPIFFI" has been superficially modified to resemble a tiny man. With his unassuming bow tie, Buddha-like belly, and winning smile, he's sure to melt the hearts of the grumpiest drivers. No more worries about tossing your money into a heartless contraption! This little guy is programmed to thank you after your transaction is processed. He'll also give you verbal warnings before your meter expires at ten minutes, five minutes, one minute, and thirty seconds. How's that for helpful!

He's even great with kids. In addition to his more practical features, "SPIFFI" has been programmed with over 10,000 different catchphrases that he can choose from after you, or your child, deposit each and every coin. That's one way to keep junior busy! And thanks to a few well-placed motion detectors, "SPIFFI" can share his wit and candor with passers-by on the sidewalk. Be careful or this little charmer might steal away your date!

The parking meter of the future is not only friendly, but efficient. When you pull into your parking spot, you'll be greeted not only by a charming "Hi! How are you?" but also a surveillance tape of your car. He'll make sure to capture all the important information: make, model, license plate, number of occupants. So watch out, you potential terrorists!

Of course with advancement comes cost. In order to pay for this life-changing technology, there will be a slight increase in parking fees. The base cost for fifteen minutes will increase from $0.25 to $1.00, though the maximum limit will remain at the current two hours.

We here at the Transportation Department, especially our newest member, "SPIFFI," look forward to seeing you: IN THE FUTURE!