We live in an age when the art of communication while under the influence of alcohol has de-evolved into an abhorrent state. Therefore, a lady must approach each social incident where alcohol and gentlemen unite as an opportunity to demonstrate her positive attributes and superb manners. A lady's honor will frequently be called into question when alcohol is involved; thus, by remaining refined in such situations, she establishes the necessary air of a true lady.

A lady must never borrow money from a man, attractive or otherwise, in order to fund an evening out unless unexpected circumstances require it. This borrowing of money would become a legitimate debt, and she would be expected to honor this debt at the discretion of the moneylender. When a lady socializes with other women and a member the group amasses such a debt but is rendered unconscious by excessive libation, one is considered responsible for the debt of one's friend. This is relative to the moneylender's ability to distinguish a lady in a crowd as she rightfully flees.

A lady must not take advantage of the weak, poor, or otherwise helpless populace of a tavern scene. She must fully fund her own drinking to the best of her ability, excluding the purchase of shots of whiskey, vodka, or anything flavored with amaretto.

One does not make a display of her money, possessions, or cleavage unless unexpected circumstances arise. Vulgar behavior is meant for more unsavory venues such as karaoke bars and locales with dirt floors.

A lady does not publicly discuss relationships before a third martini. Scandalous conduct--including that which occurs in the bedroom--ought only be analyzed when the fourth martini has been ordered, and specifically when the concept of dancing on tables or the liberal grabbing of other women's breasts begins to feel less morally reprehensible.

She must be in a state of constant composure, as self-control is the mark of a true lady. Only actions such as another's purposeful spilling of a drink or a lecherous man's grabbing of her nether regions would allow for self-control to be abandoned. Shouting, chest pounding, hair pulling and face slapping are all actions that may result after a justified loss of temper.

Additionally, one must recognize that a code of conduct is likewise in place for gentlemen. A man of stature does not refer to a lady as a dame, broad, or skirt; neither does he indicate that her figure is smoking hot or slamming. Indeed, if these or any other similar words are used in the presence of a lady, she is fully justified in shunning him for all perpetuity. After all, a lady is ultimately defined by her own poise and actions when she is socially operational, notwithstanding any behavior that occurs once all viable gentleman have been abandoned and she has begun the potentially agonizing cab ride home with her companions.